Mother Earth the Scapegoat

Mother Earth bears an uncanny resemblance to multi-media star and political seer Janeane Garofalo.

Mother Earth is a real bitch. According to some of the more “spiritual” among us, the earthquake and resulting tsunami in Japan were the result of Mother Earth’s anger at human beings in general and Japanese whalers in particular.

When Mother Earth punishes people for their sins against the planet She tends to lash out at everyone but the actual perpetrators. In this latest case, while She may have been angry at whalers, it was other random citizens who paid the price for the whalers’ whaling. But they were Japanese, so close enough I suppose.

Here’s a list of some of Mother Earth’s greatest hits. With most of Her temper tantrums it’s difficult to discern why, exactly, She was pissed. But pissed She was, and all sorts of species paid for Her wrath at whatever She was pissed off about at the time…

250 Million B.C.: Giant volcanic eruption causes the Permian Extinction. Mother Earth apparently pissed at creatures that will later become fossil fuels. Unwittingly creates fossil fuels that will lead to temper tantrums in the 20th and 21st Centuries.

28 Million B.C.: The La Garita Caldera in what is now southwestern Colorado was supposedly the largest volcanic eruption ever. The object of Mother Earth’s wrath this time around is not known.

2.1 Million B.C.: Yellowstone supervolcano eruption causes swath of destruction across middle America. Mother Earth anticipates large collection of gun-toting religious red staters and launches a preemptive strike that turns out to be premature.

75,000 B.C.: The Toba Caldera in present day Sumatra unleashed a hellish winter for at least two years. Apparently, Mother Earth likes to cool things off after a superheated flash of red hot anger. This was actually the result of a spat between Mother Earth and Father Time.

1687: A magnitude 8.5 quake rocks Lima, Peru, destroying much of the city. This area of South America is one of Mother Earth’s favorite places to unleash Her wrath since people there had the audacity to build cities.

1815: The volcanic eruption in Tambora, Indonesia is the largest one in the past 200 years. Mother Earth, for whatever reason, has never been a big fan of this region of the world.

1958: The largest known tsunami wave at 1,720 feet tall hit Litya Bay, Alaska. There are only two things you need to know about Mother Earth’s reasoning here: Alaska and Sarah Palin. Case closed.

5 responses to “Mother Earth the Scapegoat

  1. Pingback: RE: Mother Earth the Scapegoat·

  2. Thank GOD for the clarification here!!! I was almost convinced she was based on all the TWEETS :) Listen… The Earth is roughly nothing more than a bunch of tectonic plates held together by a magnetic force of gravitational rotation (with a lot of other shit in between). To assume an inanimate object can be angry is just as stupid as those who actually believe the Earth is still flat and/or the sun revolves around the earth. I think this is all based on lazy & fragile minded thinking.
    So yes… SHE IS MAD & COMING FOR YOU!!!
    Open a book and read a bit more
    Thanks for taking the Plunge here for us…

  3. I love Janeane Garofolo. I think she is beautiful, intelligent and very down to earth as well as up to date on economic, political, and social issues. Just because she is a comedian actress doesn’t nullify her as a legitimate person to take heed from.

  4. And I do believe the earth has a soul being a living system. Perhaps it doesn’t have intelligence that we can comprehend or take time to noitice. Jist like our bodies adjust and heal to great balance the eath will do the same AGAIN in order to survive within the healthy balance that it has grown accustomed to. We need to learn to live symbiotically and not parasitically with our only hope to maintain the human race. The earth has suvived cataclysm, plaque, and mass extinction before. The earth will flourish without humans but we will not survive her wrath when she get ill and tired of our pestilence and toxicity.

  5. Hmm I don’t know if the earth I live on is worried about dental issues. Perhaps I missed something. Outside of the tree whispering parts there, I think what you are talking about is an ecosystem Chris.

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