Daily Flush: Captain America, Miss Lohan and Massive Stars

Captain International: Hollywood is busy creating the first Captain America movie. Some people might be tired of American exceptionalism, but it’s a little difficult to separate that from the character of Captain America. Well, not for Hollywood.

He’s [Captain America] a guy that wants to serve his country but he’s not a flag-waver. We’re re-interpretating, sort of, what the comic book version of Steve Rogers was.

Why even bother then? Just come up with a different character name. The audience that loves this stuff is going to be outraged and the film will fail. But hey, at least it will be politically correct. I just hope the producers find a part for Lindsay Lohan. That’s what the world really wants… a re-interpretation of Miss Lohan. In fact, how about Sean Penn as Captain America? He brings health care to average Americans and puts everyone who doesn’t like it in a freaking gulag! Awesome! Nevermind. I’m all for this re-interpretation.

Danger Will Robinson: If the election was held today any Republican would defeat President Obama (who, by the way, wants to serve his country, but he’s not a flag-waver). Before the GOP starts to celebrate a lot can change before 2012, especially since the Republican who polls best against Obama is Jon Voight.

Never Wake UP: Inception has been out a week and it seems like there’s a million different theories about the movie. Here’s a take I read earlier today that created more questions than answers. Warning: If you haven’t seen the movie this article should be avoided. I’m hoping someday to write about this movie and give you my own theory. I slept through most of it, so I’m not so sure I’ll ever do that.

Massive Star (not Lindsay Lohan): Scientists claim to have found the heaviest star ever discovered. It’s not Mama Cass or Lindsay Lohan, if you’re asking. The only reason I bring this up is because of this part of the article.

“Unlike humans, these stars are born heavy and lose weight as they age,” said Crowther, an astrophysicist at the University of Sheffield in northern England. “R136a1 is already middle-aged and has undergone an intense weight loss program.”

Is this really the best analogy Paul Crowther could come up with? I mean, stars couldn’t be any more different than humans. Instead, you could say, “Unlike humans, these stars ____________________.” Insert whatever you want, like, “These stars have been forced on a strict diet by fascist government regulations, a.k.a., physics.” Isn’t that much better? Stars aren’t like humans in any possible way. Unless, of course, you’re talking about Lindsay Lohan. I think our star, the sun, has a drug habit, just like Ms. Lohan. That’s why I think it’s kind of hot this summer, at least here in Sarasota. Get your s*^t together, Sun, before I fry to death on Siesta Key!

Speaking of Lindsay Lohan: She’s only going to spend 12 days of her 90-day sentence in jail. I’m sure by then she will have learned her lesson. I can’t wait for the comeback! Captain America, maybe?

One response to “Daily Flush: Captain America, Miss Lohan and Massive Stars

  1. Pingback: The Four Color Media Monitor·

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