The Oil Spill and 7 Degrees of Kevin… Costner?

Waterworld – Quite Possibly the best movie ever…..EVER!!!!!

Like many Floridians and Americans in general, I am intently following the coverage of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. I have been fishing and diving in these waters for over 20 years, so it is infuriating to watch the mediocre response from BP, our arguably infallible federal government, and the unfortunately non-empowered local governments.

According to an article found on the always unbiased (see sarcasm) NPR website, Lisa Jackson, administrator of the EPA, says that the federal government is doing a great job so far. She goes on to say that we should not criticize their efforts for failure to do so would be “Monday-Morning Quarterbacking.” I hope someone is checking Jackson’s bank statements for a large direct deposit from John Q Taxpayer into her checking account made possible by the Karl Obama Administration.

BP has already dumped 655,000 gallons of a toxic oil dispersant into the gulf called Corexit. Jackson’s EPA gave BP 24 hours to use a less toxic, more effective dispersant, but BP outright refused… with no consequences. Way to stick to your guns, Fed and EPA!! Good thing there aren’t any wealthy oil lobbyists in Washington or I would be suspicious of this lack of consequences (see more sarcasm).

By the way, using a dispersant for an oil spill is the equivalent of someone defecating in your bottle of drinking water, dumping a bunch of toxic chemicals in the water that only make the feces break down into smaller chunks and then yelling, “Drink up!”

However, my anger over the lack of response and obvious corruption was temporarily curtailed by an article about Kevin Costner and his oil/water separating centrifuge. This brought to light a long series of crazy coincidences between Kevin Costner, the oil spill and the must-see 1995 blockbuster movie Waterworld.

1) Both the movie and the oil spill in the Gulf are disasters of epic proportions.

2) Kevin started the company Ocean Therapy Solutions after the Exxon Valdez spill. Coincidentally, the ship full of oil featured in the movie was the Exxon Valdez.

3) The bad guys in the movie were called smokers because all of their engines ran on nothing but oil.

4) Kevin Costner co-starred with Elizabeth Mary Mastrantonio in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (another must-see). Mastrantonio later starred in The Abyss, which is completely set under water.

5) The so-called Waterworld is created due to global warming melting the ice caps, which every actor in Hollywood, including Kevin, believes is caused by human influence… or should I say the “ancients”?

6) When Kevin dives down to see the submerged city in the movie, it is clearly the city of Denver because your can see the Norwest Building, which is shaped like a cash register. Club Soda currently resides in Denver, future underwater megapolis now sweltering in dry 60-degree temperatures.

7) Dennis Hopper plays the villain in the movie and his character’s name is Deacon. My name….the Deacon.

Finally, if Kevin’s oil-water separator (I find it hard to believe that it’s really difficult to separate two things that are notorious for not mixing) is embraced by BP or the Fed, he and his company will most likely generate millions in profit. This makes me think that the original explosion of the rig was a conspiracy created by none other than…

“With this arrow I will finally break even on that stupid movie” – KC

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